Endings: Learning to Chill About How and Why They Happen

Whether endings are a result of your choosing or happen to you, they are often a gift not yet fully revealed. Walk away, listen to your departure, and slowly unwrap the gifts that inevitably result. It may seem strange to contemplate endings as we begin a new year. Or maybe not, given one year has to end before another can begin. But often we find ourselves largely looking forward rather than back at this time of the year. While many do reflect on what they have experienced over the previous year, many of us are far too interested in moving on to what will come next rather than dwelling on the past. I certainly don’t begrudge that approach. But for me, I hate endings. I do not like to see television series come to an end. I am often deeply dissatisfied with the ways stories finish. I despised the endings of Seinfeld and The Sopranos and Friends and How I Met Your Mother, for instance. I am judgmental of how books conclude and how movies wrap up – often finding myself disappointed. I especially hate when vacation time comes to an end! And yes, I am even quite unhappy about how years come to an end: with only revelry about what it is to come rather than a reflection on what has transpired. The only exception to my contempt for the ending and beginning of each year is the annual Google commercial, which always brings me to tears. If you haven’t seen them, check them out (especially the one for the end of 2016). But beyond books, movies, television series and numerical years, the ending of relationships is clearly the most challenging – and about this it is particularly difficult to get it right. I should know. I have experienced the ending of two marriages and two other serious relationships. I have experienced the ending of my father’s life and the apparent ending of a sibling relationship. I have experienced the loss of friendships and the loss of connection in the workplace as my professional life progressed from one stage to another. In so many ways I